(a poem)

Tell me where your pain is

It’s a simple request

Photo by Kira auf der Heide on Unsplash

The NHS portal displays a gingerbread cutout

The text below reads ‘Please click where your pain is’

I hesitate for a second, considering the request

My eyes scanning over the words

where your pain is

making me question whether I can even grasp the question

maybe I’m in the wrong place…

See, it’s not so much a pain but a feeling of falling

and not so much mine but a foreign forewarning

I can’t even say if it is, was, or will be again

time has curdled there’s just oncoming dread

and where?

I know you think the obvious answer is my head

so can you explain to me, Dr, why there are fists inside my chest

wringing my lungs out

legs treading in the suds

too much awareness of the position of my tongue

tingling palms, tingling arms, tingling feet

eyes avoiding contact

terrified people see

I’m physically paralysed

all senses dulled

exhausted by the facade

acting nonchalant

but I only have a click

I know the answer that they want

with a sigh

I resign my cursor

to the thing inside its skull